So far this is my favorite episode of Star Trek ever, and probably the best episode of any TV series in history. This episode has it all, you guys, and more. That's why Star Trek was immediately canceled following the airing of this episode; they knew they could never top this (I have no idea yet if they top this. I'm very excited to find out).
The episode begins in the pre-naked time, or "Stardate: The Clothed Time." Spock and a jackass named Joe are asked to land on a planet where some people recently died, wander around, check out the sights, and watch the planet crumble. This seems like a pretty cool mission, and ideally every mission for the whole series. "Okay, next you have a planet thirty light years away that's gonna die. Go watch that."
Spock is the very model of competence, AS PER USUAL, but Joe is so stupid that he removes his glove so he can wipe his nose (!) and forgets to put it back on before he goes and touches everything. Looks like Joe might get sick, no surprises and really good riddance. You need to thin the herd, Enterprise, if you've been hiring morons like this:
They get back on the ship, and Spock has no idea what killed the people, but a quick checkup on him and Joe reveals that both are pretty healthy (OR ARE THEY?). McCoy uses the opportunity to make fun of Spock for the way his body works (come on, you're a doctor, cut it out), but it's probably just jealous over Spock's hot bod in a t-shirt (this episode includes a lot of hot bods, spoiler alert).
A little while later, Joe is having lunch in the recreation room, where people are playing awesome outer space games, which is swiftly in my top five Things To See on Star Trek. Sulu walks in with his boyfriend, Kevin Riley, having a discussion over whether or not fencing is awesome (Sulu is pro-fencing, obvi). Joe is feeling weird, and flips his shit when Sulu talks to him and SO BEGINS THE NAKED TIME. Joe foolishly challenges Sulu to a knife-fight, but Sulu was just talking about how awesome fencing is so who do you think ends up stabbed?
Later, the gang is watching the planet fall apart, which as you may remember was their mission, and they realize it's falling apart wayyyy faster than expected, and maybe it's taking them with it? Everyone gets pretty bored, especially Sulu, who is coming down with NAKED TIME'S DISEASE, as indicated by being covered in sweat. He leans over to Kevin, and invites him to go hang out at the gym (it's not clear if Sulu is out on the Enterprise, but it is clear that he is out to the audience). He insists they do some fencing, but Kevin wants to stay at his post, because Naked Time's Disease hasn't taken hold on him yet. So Sulu peaces out. (Worth noting, briefly: in this scene, and basically throughoutt the episode, Kirk is a total jerk to everybody and yells at them about how to do their jobs while doing basically nothing on his own. It's annoying. Example: McCoy says "I don't know what happened to Joe. I did all the possible medical tests on him." Kirk goes "TRY THE IMPOSSIBLE" which is absolutely not helpful, Kirk.)
Once he realizes that nobody cares that Sulu's gone, Kevin starts yelling at Spock and talking like an Irish cowboy and leaves. This. Is. Awesome. It made me want a spinoff that takes place on an Old West planet where Kevin (who starts calling himself O'Riley, btw) has to be the new sheriff but maybe nobody respects him because prejudice against Irish? I don't know, I'm just the idea man. But look at this:
Riley checks in at sick bay, where he infects the nurse with Naked Time's Disease, whose character name is ACTUALLY "Christine Chapel," and who is played by Gene Roddenberry's then-girlfriend, later wife. But nobody cares, because the greatest thing in history occurs right after this:
Yes, Sulu has taken off his shirt, and he. is. ripped. He is brandishing a fencing-sword (rapier?) and looking for trouble. He straight up tries to duel everyone he meets, and is generally causing problems and is wonderful. True story: the original draft of this episode had him turning into a samurai, but George Takei was like "No racism pls" so they said "How about a musketeer?" and MAGIC HAPPENED.
Meanwhile, back on the bridge, in the absence of Sulu and Kevin, Uhura has been asked to do their job as well as her own, yet another reminder of her overwhelming competence and another chance to wonder why she doesn't demand a promotion or something. Go get it, girl.
She stands up for like two minutes and is taken captive by Musketeer Sulu (quit this job, Uhura). Sulu is felled in like two seconds by Spock.
The ship is close to getting eaten up by the falling-apart planet, but they can't do anything because Keltic Kowboy Kevin has taken over the ship from another room, and is singing Irish ballads over the PA (stay a while, Uhura, this job is ridiculous) and demanding that women wear their hair down (Kirk: "Turn off the PA, Uhura." Uhura: "I can't. He's locked it." Kirk: "TRY HARDER."). Keltic Kowboy Kevin's holing up in this control room is another opportunity for a crewmember (in this case, Scotty) to try to do his job, and for Kirk to YELL at him to just forget safety protocols and shoot lasers directly at the wall as hard as he can. Who will take the fall if this backfires, Kirk? You?
Then comes another awesome setpiece. Nurse Chapel and Spock, who both have Naked Time's Disease, share a moment of wanting to make out, Chapel especially basically ripping off her clothes right there, but Spock is all, "I am a Vulcan. I don't wanna do it." Then leaves the room and starts crying. It is awesome, and amazing, and supposedly increased Leonard Nimoy's fan mail to the max.
Kirk sees Spock crying, and decides an appropriate response is FRIENDSHIP SLAPS. Unfortunately, Naked Time's Disease is passed by violent contact, so when Spock slaps Kirk back, he gives it to Kirk, and Kirk realizes he might be in love with Rand (?!).
Luckily, McCoy has the cure to Naked Time's Disease, but whoops has to rip Kirk's shirt to dose him. Brief emotional outbursts aside, everyone gets back on track and solves their problem of the planet trying to destroy them, but for some reason they travel three days back in time, which is completely awesome. Everyone's like What Does This Mean, and Kirk's like, "I guess we're gonna find out," and then they all ZOOM off into space, and you in the audience are so excited you can not stand it.
This episode was directed by Marc Daniels, an extremely prolific TV director of the time, who directed a ton of I Love Lucy, and did the scene where Spock has an emotional breakdown so well you guys. And what post would be complete without one of these:
The episode begins in the pre-naked time, or "Stardate: The Clothed Time." Spock and a jackass named Joe are asked to land on a planet where some people recently died, wander around, check out the sights, and watch the planet crumble. This seems like a pretty cool mission, and ideally every mission for the whole series. "Okay, next you have a planet thirty light years away that's gonna die. Go watch that."
Spock is the very model of competence, AS PER USUAL, but Joe is so stupid that he removes his glove so he can wipe his nose (!) and forgets to put it back on before he goes and touches everything. Looks like Joe might get sick, no surprises and really good riddance. You need to thin the herd, Enterprise, if you've been hiring morons like this:
They get back on the ship, and Spock has no idea what killed the people, but a quick checkup on him and Joe reveals that both are pretty healthy (OR ARE THEY?). McCoy uses the opportunity to make fun of Spock for the way his body works (come on, you're a doctor, cut it out), but it's probably just jealous over Spock's hot bod in a t-shirt (this episode includes a lot of hot bods, spoiler alert).
A little while later, Joe is having lunch in the recreation room, where people are playing awesome outer space games, which is swiftly in my top five Things To See on Star Trek. Sulu walks in with his boyfriend, Kevin Riley, having a discussion over whether or not fencing is awesome (Sulu is pro-fencing, obvi). Joe is feeling weird, and flips his shit when Sulu talks to him and SO BEGINS THE NAKED TIME. Joe foolishly challenges Sulu to a knife-fight, but Sulu was just talking about how awesome fencing is so who do you think ends up stabbed?Later, the gang is watching the planet fall apart, which as you may remember was their mission, and they realize it's falling apart wayyyy faster than expected, and maybe it's taking them with it? Everyone gets pretty bored, especially Sulu, who is coming down with NAKED TIME'S DISEASE, as indicated by being covered in sweat. He leans over to Kevin, and invites him to go hang out at the gym (it's not clear if Sulu is out on the Enterprise, but it is clear that he is out to the audience). He insists they do some fencing, but Kevin wants to stay at his post, because Naked Time's Disease hasn't taken hold on him yet. So Sulu peaces out. (Worth noting, briefly: in this scene, and basically throughoutt the episode, Kirk is a total jerk to everybody and yells at them about how to do their jobs while doing basically nothing on his own. It's annoying. Example: McCoy says "I don't know what happened to Joe. I did all the possible medical tests on him." Kirk goes "TRY THE IMPOSSIBLE" which is absolutely not helpful, Kirk.)
Once he realizes that nobody cares that Sulu's gone, Kevin starts yelling at Spock and talking like an Irish cowboy and leaves. This. Is. Awesome. It made me want a spinoff that takes place on an Old West planet where Kevin (who starts calling himself O'Riley, btw) has to be the new sheriff but maybe nobody respects him because prejudice against Irish? I don't know, I'm just the idea man. But look at this:
Riley checks in at sick bay, where he infects the nurse with Naked Time's Disease, whose character name is ACTUALLY "Christine Chapel," and who is played by Gene Roddenberry's then-girlfriend, later wife. But nobody cares, because the greatest thing in history occurs right after this:
Yes, Sulu has taken off his shirt, and he. is. ripped. He is brandishing a fencing-sword (rapier?) and looking for trouble. He straight up tries to duel everyone he meets, and is generally causing problems and is wonderful. True story: the original draft of this episode had him turning into a samurai, but George Takei was like "No racism pls" so they said "How about a musketeer?" and MAGIC HAPPENED.Meanwhile, back on the bridge, in the absence of Sulu and Kevin, Uhura has been asked to do their job as well as her own, yet another reminder of her overwhelming competence and another chance to wonder why she doesn't demand a promotion or something. Go get it, girl.
She stands up for like two minutes and is taken captive by Musketeer Sulu (quit this job, Uhura). Sulu is felled in like two seconds by Spock.
The ship is close to getting eaten up by the falling-apart planet, but they can't do anything because Keltic Kowboy Kevin has taken over the ship from another room, and is singing Irish ballads over the PA (stay a while, Uhura, this job is ridiculous) and demanding that women wear their hair down (Kirk: "Turn off the PA, Uhura." Uhura: "I can't. He's locked it." Kirk: "TRY HARDER."). Keltic Kowboy Kevin's holing up in this control room is another opportunity for a crewmember (in this case, Scotty) to try to do his job, and for Kirk to YELL at him to just forget safety protocols and shoot lasers directly at the wall as hard as he can. Who will take the fall if this backfires, Kirk? You?
Then comes another awesome setpiece. Nurse Chapel and Spock, who both have Naked Time's Disease, share a moment of wanting to make out, Chapel especially basically ripping off her clothes right there, but Spock is all, "I am a Vulcan. I don't wanna do it." Then leaves the room and starts crying. It is awesome, and amazing, and supposedly increased Leonard Nimoy's fan mail to the max.Kirk sees Spock crying, and decides an appropriate response is FRIENDSHIP SLAPS. Unfortunately, Naked Time's Disease is passed by violent contact, so when Spock slaps Kirk back, he gives it to Kirk, and Kirk realizes he might be in love with Rand (?!).
Luckily, McCoy has the cure to Naked Time's Disease, but whoops has to rip Kirk's shirt to dose him. Brief emotional outbursts aside, everyone gets back on track and solves their problem of the planet trying to destroy them, but for some reason they travel three days back in time, which is completely awesome. Everyone's like What Does This Mean, and Kirk's like, "I guess we're gonna find out," and then they all ZOOM off into space, and you in the audience are so excited you can not stand it.This episode was directed by Marc Daniels, an extremely prolific TV director of the time, who directed a ton of I Love Lucy, and did the scene where Spock has an emotional breakdown so well you guys. And what post would be complete without one of these:
You should really watch TNG's follow up, "The Naked Now". It's only the third episode, so there hasn't been much character development and it's season one, which makes it hilariously bad: the ship's interior looks stupid, no one knows how to do their job (both actors and characters), everyone's an insufferable asshole (pre-drunkenness), people are legit terrible to Data because he's an android, and there's an oppressive awkwardness about the whole thing which is made even more awesome with drunkenness. The only thing missing is the man-dress.
ReplyDeleteYou're really selling me on that. I plan on getting through all of TOS, then doing the movies, then doing TNG, ideally in some semblance of chronological order, eventually writing about every Star Trek thing ever. I will return to this comment when I get to The Naked Now. Excited!
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