Jesus, this episode was just all Kirk all the time. We spent the bulk of the episode underground on planet Exo III with Kirk and Chapel and some character to be described momentarily, and we BARELY get to hang out with Spock and we see Uhura briefly and that's about it. SIGH.
So we're coming in on Exo III, and Chapel's over the moon (no pun intended) because they're pretty sure they've tracked down her fiance, which was maybe the reason why she joined the Enterprise, which maybe she should have just stayed with him instead of trying to join Starfleet in order to find him, you know? I dunno. It's fine.
Apparently Nurse Chapel's fiance is named Roger Korby, which is obviously just an Exo III alias for Roger Corman, the famed cult filmmaker. According to Kirk, everyone has to read about his movies at Starfleet Academy, so he's pretty famous, and also yikes how old is he? Chapel seems on the youngish side. Not trying to judge May-December relationships here, but let's just say I was not surprised to learn that she was his student at USC Film School.
Kirk and Chapel beam down to Exo III with two dudes conveniently wearing red shirts. According to The Internet these guys were the first Red Shirts on the show to die. Sorry bros. Starfleet gets a wicked discount at the Uniform Emporium on red shirts. Everything's super cavernous and scary, so obviously one red shirt falls into a pit within like thirty seconds of arriving.
They meet Doc Brown, Corman's assistant (he would later go on to invent a device for time travel), who's like "Oh, that guy fell in the pit? He's definitely dead. Sorry, Kirk. No chance he's still alive. So freaking dead like you wouldn't believe."
We only see him briefly, but it's revealed that a HORRIBLE MONSTER CREATURE pushed Red Shirt #1 into the pit. The monster then grabs Red Shirt #2 and so just like that we're out of red shirts.
We get to know another member of this underground gang, Andrea, whose uniform is just like Doc Brown's but without a shirt underneath, because comfort I guess. Chapel's not thrilled by this development, because no woman wants to think her fiance has spent the last five years making underground movies with a lady this sexy. She probably does full frontal, you know?
FINALLY Roger Corman shows up, and as predicted he and Chapel have a real Woody/Soon-Yi thing happening, which is fine.
Kirk tries to call Spock to let him know things are cool, don't worry, but Corman's like DON'T CALL THEM BUT PS DON'T FREAK OUT EVERYTHING'S COOL I JUST CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW. Kirk's like "Sorry I don't roll that way" but Doc Brown pulls a phaser on him then so does Andrea but Kirk really casually disarms Andrea, as easily as one would signal for a check in an uncrowded diner, then shoots a hole right through Doc Brown and gets roughed up by that MONSTER from earlier. But guess what? Check out Doc Brown:
Androids? Yes, androids. Not only was Doc Brown an android, but so is Andrea and Ruk, the monster. Obviously Corman has been building a cast of androids so he can film longer hours without having to pay union rates. Also, Ruk can mimic anyone's voice, which is useful for ADR. Ruk calls Spock AS Kirk and is like "Everything's cool, Spock, don't send anybody down here, okay?" Kirk's like "Come on dude what the hell?" and Corman keeps insisting he'll explain later, but not now, for some reason.
Chapel asks, completely reasonably, "So, did you build Andrea for sex or what?" Within the bounds of Chapel's relationship with Roger Corman, having sex with a robot is considered cheating. Corman laughs at the idea, and says it would be impossible because robots don't have emotions. (Um.) To prove a point (?) he orders Andrea to kiss Kirk (EPISODE WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY WILLIAM SHATNER not really), then to slap him. Apparently Corman doesn't know that this mirrors every sexual encounter Kirk's ever had.
That done, it is time to build a Kirk roboclone. Kirk sucks in his gut a little, and Chapel can definitely see his penis. It's not clear how this device works, but Kirk has this completely brilliant idea where he spends the whole time saying rude things about Spock under his breath. Why? YOU'LL SEE. Also, here is the control area for the roboclone machine:
As far as anyone can tell, RoboKlork is exactly the same as Kirk, including having his memories! Roger Corman takes the opportunity to start explaining the situation to everyone involved. He thinks the world would be better and more efficient if everyone were replaced by roboclones, which I guess is true, but who would be around to enjoy it, you know? Why not just eliminate all of humanity and leave it alone? I dunno. Maybe I'm just not smart enough. But if you replace all your actors with robots, and your audience with robots, will anybody attend your movies? Probably not, Roger Corman.
While Corman is blabbing, Kirk escapes, and attacks Ruk with a big plaster penis. Ruk pretty easily disarms Kirk, obviously, and we're back to square one.
RoboKlork heads back to the Enterprise for some scheming. Spock asks him a question, and RoboKlork repeats Kirk's offensive language from earlier, alerting Spock to the fact that this guy's a phony, because Kirk and Spock are BFFS.
Back on Exo III, Kirk has a new plan. He forces Andrea to make out with him a ton, and in doing so CONFUSES HER ROBOBRAIN.
She's all "I am a robot and have no emotions, yet I want this captain inside me. Does. Not. Compute. Beep. Boop."
There's a little moving from one room to another, then a scuffle occurs, and Corman rips his hand and guess what:
Yes, that's right. Roger Corman himself is a robo-auteur. He claims he's the same as he ever was, but Chapel's not into it now. So I wonder: is she just prejudiced against robots? Would she have been cool with Corman banging a human lady on the side? I don't know how to feel about Chapel right now. Anyway, Corman and Andrea do a Robeo and Julibot thing and both phase out, so really this whole mission was kind of a big waste of time.
We end on the Enterprise (I missed you, Enterprise), where we recall that even though Spock knew that RoboKlork was a roboclone, it didn't really result in anything substantial, which is okay. Spock tells Kirk "you kind of hurt my feelings with what you made your roboclone say." And Kirk's like "I won't call you a half-breed if the situation comes up again," which is basically like saying "Shut up," and he flashes a smug mug AND THAT'S WHERE WE END. Maybe next time there will be more of our favorite characters.
So we're coming in on Exo III, and Chapel's over the moon (no pun intended) because they're pretty sure they've tracked down her fiance, which was maybe the reason why she joined the Enterprise, which maybe she should have just stayed with him instead of trying to join Starfleet in order to find him, you know? I dunno. It's fine.
Apparently Nurse Chapel's fiance is named Roger Korby, which is obviously just an Exo III alias for Roger Corman, the famed cult filmmaker. According to Kirk, everyone has to read about his movies at Starfleet Academy, so he's pretty famous, and also yikes how old is he? Chapel seems on the youngish side. Not trying to judge May-December relationships here, but let's just say I was not surprised to learn that she was his student at USC Film School.
Kirk and Chapel beam down to Exo III with two dudes conveniently wearing red shirts. According to The Internet these guys were the first Red Shirts on the show to die. Sorry bros. Starfleet gets a wicked discount at the Uniform Emporium on red shirts. Everything's super cavernous and scary, so obviously one red shirt falls into a pit within like thirty seconds of arriving.
They meet Doc Brown, Corman's assistant (he would later go on to invent a device for time travel), who's like "Oh, that guy fell in the pit? He's definitely dead. Sorry, Kirk. No chance he's still alive. So freaking dead like you wouldn't believe."We only see him briefly, but it's revealed that a HORRIBLE MONSTER CREATURE pushed Red Shirt #1 into the pit. The monster then grabs Red Shirt #2 and so just like that we're out of red shirts.
We get to know another member of this underground gang, Andrea, whose uniform is just like Doc Brown's but without a shirt underneath, because comfort I guess. Chapel's not thrilled by this development, because no woman wants to think her fiance has spent the last five years making underground movies with a lady this sexy. She probably does full frontal, you know?
FINALLY Roger Corman shows up, and as predicted he and Chapel have a real Woody/Soon-Yi thing happening, which is fine.Kirk tries to call Spock to let him know things are cool, don't worry, but Corman's like DON'T CALL THEM BUT PS DON'T FREAK OUT EVERYTHING'S COOL I JUST CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW. Kirk's like "Sorry I don't roll that way" but Doc Brown pulls a phaser on him then so does Andrea but Kirk really casually disarms Andrea, as easily as one would signal for a check in an uncrowded diner, then shoots a hole right through Doc Brown and gets roughed up by that MONSTER from earlier. But guess what? Check out Doc Brown:
Androids? Yes, androids. Not only was Doc Brown an android, but so is Andrea and Ruk, the monster. Obviously Corman has been building a cast of androids so he can film longer hours without having to pay union rates. Also, Ruk can mimic anyone's voice, which is useful for ADR. Ruk calls Spock AS Kirk and is like "Everything's cool, Spock, don't send anybody down here, okay?" Kirk's like "Come on dude what the hell?" and Corman keeps insisting he'll explain later, but not now, for some reason.
Chapel asks, completely reasonably, "So, did you build Andrea for sex or what?" Within the bounds of Chapel's relationship with Roger Corman, having sex with a robot is considered cheating. Corman laughs at the idea, and says it would be impossible because robots don't have emotions. (Um.) To prove a point (?) he orders Andrea to kiss Kirk (EPISODE WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY WILLIAM SHATNER not really), then to slap him. Apparently Corman doesn't know that this mirrors every sexual encounter Kirk's ever had.
That done, it is time to build a Kirk roboclone. Kirk sucks in his gut a little, and Chapel can definitely see his penis. It's not clear how this device works, but Kirk has this completely brilliant idea where he spends the whole time saying rude things about Spock under his breath. Why? YOU'LL SEE. Also, here is the control area for the roboclone machine:
As far as anyone can tell, RoboKlork is exactly the same as Kirk, including having his memories! Roger Corman takes the opportunity to start explaining the situation to everyone involved. He thinks the world would be better and more efficient if everyone were replaced by roboclones, which I guess is true, but who would be around to enjoy it, you know? Why not just eliminate all of humanity and leave it alone? I dunno. Maybe I'm just not smart enough. But if you replace all your actors with robots, and your audience with robots, will anybody attend your movies? Probably not, Roger Corman.
While Corman is blabbing, Kirk escapes, and attacks Ruk with a big plaster penis. Ruk pretty easily disarms Kirk, obviously, and we're back to square one.RoboKlork heads back to the Enterprise for some scheming. Spock asks him a question, and RoboKlork repeats Kirk's offensive language from earlier, alerting Spock to the fact that this guy's a phony, because Kirk and Spock are BFFS.
Back on Exo III, Kirk has a new plan. He forces Andrea to make out with him a ton, and in doing so CONFUSES HER ROBOBRAIN.
She's all "I am a robot and have no emotions, yet I want this captain inside me. Does. Not. Compute. Beep. Boop."There's a little moving from one room to another, then a scuffle occurs, and Corman rips his hand and guess what:
Yes, that's right. Roger Corman himself is a robo-auteur. He claims he's the same as he ever was, but Chapel's not into it now. So I wonder: is she just prejudiced against robots? Would she have been cool with Corman banging a human lady on the side? I don't know how to feel about Chapel right now. Anyway, Corman and Andrea do a Robeo and Julibot thing and both phase out, so really this whole mission was kind of a big waste of time.
We end on the Enterprise (I missed you, Enterprise), where we recall that even though Spock knew that RoboKlork was a roboclone, it didn't really result in anything substantial, which is okay. Spock tells Kirk "you kind of hurt my feelings with what you made your roboclone say." And Kirk's like "I won't call you a half-breed if the situation comes up again," which is basically like saying "Shut up," and he flashes a smug mug AND THAT'S WHERE WE END. Maybe next time there will be more of our favorite characters.
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